Monday, February 25, 2013

The Bangs Cover-Up

Thanks to Arlyene Dews for contributing this month's Hairpisode.
I can shave unwanted hair anywhere else on my body and it grows back. But apparently eyebrow hairs are a different sort.
One early morning, as I was hastily applying makeup, I noticed little stray eyebrow hairs that needed plucking. Rather than take the time to tweeze, I grabbed a razor and made a swipe at the little buggers. Perhaps I didn’t properly calculate the width of the razor, or the path it would take. Anyhow, I ended up eliminating half my eyebrow. It was a swath, actually, like a bald spot left behind by an errant weed whacker.
Worse, the erased eyebrow hairs never grew back. The little strays below the missing half keep coming back, plus a few of the originals, but nothing like the full, thick patch that once defined the arch of my brow. 
I mentioned this phenomenon to my female relatives once when we were talking about eyebrows. (When the rule is don’t discuss politics or religion, there isn’t much else to talk about.) I offered my freak eyebrow incident, and they all looked at me like I had confessed to bathing with a tub full of frogs. Except for my adorable, fashionably hip, 30-year-old niece, who blurted out, “That same thing happened to me!” Did I mention she is adorable?
Which makes me wonder: has this eyebrow faux pas happened to others? Is it something we don’t discuss for fear people will think we've been whacked in the head? Just the other day I read a headline proclaiming Michelle Obama’s new hairstyle with bangs meant she was “going through a mid-life crisis.” I am suspicious of this rationale. In fact, I'm willing to bet Michelle accidentally shaved off one or both eyebrows somehow, and is using the bangs to cover up the mishap. Probably, she believes this is temporary, until her eyebrows grow back. Well, I have news for her…
--Arlyene Dews